Why You and I Are Voting Jeb Bush for President

This may be a little premature; technically, he’s not running for president yet—and he may never, depending on how money, family, supporters, and his sense of self-preservation direct him. But that fact that he has admitted to considering a run for the highest office in all the land, it’s safe to say he’ll make a go at it. Most would-be presidents are pretty cagey about admitting to their presidential interests until they’ve already found themselves knee-deep in closet skeletons.

But Jeb is not most politicians. First of all, his name is Jeb, which means he’s running for president about a century-and-a-half too late. But we’ll forgive him that one—he didn’t name himself, did he? No, and that’s why his name matters so much to his campaign. Though he’s the 43rd governor of Florida (I know I’ve seen that 43 somewhere), what’s more important is that last name of his.

It’s hard to be a royalist in U.S. politics (it’s actually hard to be anything at all, if you’re paying much attention), but I do my best. It’s hard to pass on bloodlines when choosing a new leader. Now, there’s something to be said for a potential House of Clinton sort of family ruling party. But the Bushes are already multi-generational, and unless Chelsea decides to go into the family business, there’s not a lot of Clintons left to rule in the future. I’m trying to plan long-term for this, and the Bush clan is, while not Duggar-big, still substantial. (I’ll be working on the Duggars’ own Arkansas Dynasty eventually, so stayed tuned.) If we’re getting technical, all the presidents (except that Dutch-speaking freak Martin Van Buren) are all basically cousins, anyway. But I’m not one for technicalities.

At this political moment, another Bush in the White House does make a bit of sense: Cuba and the U.S. are finally talking to each other again, after fifty years of cold-shouldering. Bush and his family have Miami and even Cuban connections: it couldn’t hurt. But Cuba’s small, and though Jeb has other Latin American connections (his wife, Columba, is Mexican-American), China, Russia, and the Middle East are all in the opposite direction.

I’m going out on a limb here: I do not have any real understanding of Jeb Bush’s positions or policies. In fairness, though, the prior Bushes’ positions also were pretty complicated, so I figure that’s kind of a wash. I didn’t hate the other Bushes (sorry): you can’t hate that smile. Unless you really, really didn’t like his policies. Or were carved from marble.

He’s got that Bush face. I can’t say no to it.

Maybe that’s what it is for us: we will always take the devil we know. At least that will take the edge off the surprise when comes the unveiling.

Like the ancient Israelites, I think we all want a king, not a president (or judges, or whatever). We miss that kind of nobility. We miss knowing that the leader of state isn’t just some guy we had econ class with. There has to be something nobler than money or glad-handing. Maybe it’s in that smirk?

Truthfully: it doesn’t matter who I vote for—too many people vote for that to be the case, and politicians change with the winds (Thanks, Obama!). Also, I am immune to persuasion from all quarters. Just throwing that out there.

But you know Jeb’s wife is Columba, and I’m going to take that as a sign. In 2016 I’ll be voting for the King and Queen of Columbia!

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