Day 29: A Stranger Is Just an Olive Garden Server You Haven’t had the Pleasure of Meeting Quite Yet

There are a million people working here. No exaggeration. Although that was an exaggeration.

I guess the tips are probably okay. But you have to dress like a 90s undertaker to work here and do the whole Italian bit and it really seems like too much.

I’m glad people work here and they seem like a decent local employer, since they’re presumably paying half of Lane County to work in the building, but really that payroll must be about two miles long.

“Why are people forgetting their plates on the walls?” James asks. Great question. He really takes issue with the decor here and to be honest it is sort of trying. Like it’s trying because they’re not trying at all. Literally decorated bowls nailed to the walls. Try that in your living room and watch your home value teeter.

We’ve moved on by now from David and Saul in the cave to David and Bathsheba on the roof. I see the cheese grater and I want it. Possibly the most unbelievable thing about this whole experience is that I’ve had cheese added to my dish like once this entire time and Chrissi and James have done it no times.

Like everybody else here just piles it on, but do you not realize that there is butter and cream and cheese in everything already?

I love dairy, too, but how does it make sense to keep piling cheese on top of cheese?

“Do you come here often?” The photograph asks.

Yes, we come here often enough that our expressions mirror theirs in anomie and ennui.

Item 1: whole grain linguine (I may have been misspelling this in every blog post!), mushroom Alfredo on the side, and 3 meat-a-balls.

Item 2: linguine, 2 meatballs

Breadsticks: 1

Weight: I just came back from vacation, weirdo

Practical concerns: nil