Interview with a Famous Lady Cat

The mysterious lady cat.

Poetry in Stasis

Editor’s Note: This was a long time in coming, but we’ve had a lot of good feedback from an earlier interview so we’re going to try it out and see where it goes.

Stephen: So tell us, Calla Lily, what’s it like being a solo cat for the first time in ages?

Calla: Relationships have always been hard for me, Steve.

S: Please don’t call me Steve. How have they been hard?

C: As a fellow rescue cat, I think you’ll understand what I mean when I say that two cats is two too many.

S: I don’t actually understand that; care to elaborate?

C: I’d prefer not to.

S: [Long pause.] Understandable. Read any good books lately?

C: That feels like a throwaway question. I’m going to pass.

S: Sharpened any good claws lately?

C: [Glares.] Do you really want to find out?

S: [Shake head.] Where are you working these days?

C: I work from home. I have been able to save money while doing what I love most of all.

S: Which is?

C: Running in circles chasing that cloth mouse thing.

S: Tell me more about how that chase drives you.

C: You could say it’s in my blood; it’s not exactly something I can explain. Though I will try to put it into terms you can understand. It feels good, Stephen. It just does. And I know I’m helping people when I jump and roll and flip.

S: And the money? How does it work as a job exactly? Who pays you?

C: [Hisses.] Not all work is about money. That’s a pretty bipedist thing to say.

S: Sorry, I’ll let that one go.

C: I take it from your wallet when you leave it on the bookshelf.

S: Ah, yes, that explains a lot. Well, I appreciate your honesty.

C: [Stares into distance.] Yep.

S: Okay, well, I noticed you like that bookshelf perch. Your shelfy selfies are blowing up on Twitter right now. How is fame treating you?

C: It’s not something you can put on or take off, like an old set of furs.

S: Right, that’s probably why you’ve become something of a recluse lately, correct?

C: I’m not sure what you mean by that, but, yes, fame is my ultimate aspiration.

S: Not what I meant, but that’s fine. Your new movie, should we see it?

C: Meh. If you’re into that.

S: Was it more of an afterthought?

C: Once you end up in Hollywood’s star-making factory, you tend to just sort of nod and let people groom you, because it’s a lot easier in the long run than making any particular stance or “kind” of art. I’ll wait for the fame to blow over (probably about 40-50 cat years and it’ll be gone) and then I’ll work on my own projects.

S: What exactly do you want to do? What kind of art are you interested in producing?

C: Who said anything about art?

S: I just mean, making art rather than making films for money-making purposes, you understand?

C: I understand precisely, but I don’t like using loaded judgments like “art” versus “craft.”

S: [Pause.] What’s your favorite food?

C: Turkey with all the fixings. You brought some?

S: Of course! [Did not.] We’ll get to that later. Do you have a message for young queens like yourself? What should the kitties take away from your success?

C: I will fight to keep my success and all else that is mine.

S: Sorry, I said that wrong: any tips for your fans and followers?

C: Sharp claws, sharp mind.

S: Thanks for being here!

Editor’s Addendum: She remained on the shelf for three hours after the interview.

3 comments on “Interview with a Famous Lady Cat

  1. Cheryl says:

    wow! that was very good! I enjoyed it

  2. Stephen says:

    Thanks, Cheryl! 🙂 I was lucky to snag the interview at all, to be honest.

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