Editor’s Note: This was a long time in coming, but we’ve had a lot of good feedback from an earlier interview so we’re going to try it out and see where it goes.
Stephen: So tell us, Calla Lily, what’s it like being a solo cat for the first time in ages?
Calla: Relationships have always been hard for me, Steve.
S: Please don’t call me Steve. How have they been hard?
C: As a fellow rescue cat, I think you’ll understand what I mean when I say that two cats is two too many.
S: I don’t actually understand that; care to elaborate?
C: I’d prefer not to.
S: [Long pause.] Understandable. Read any good books lately?
C: That feels like a throwaway question. I’m going to pass.
S: Sharpened any good claws lately?
C: [Glares.] Do you really want to find out?
S: [Shake head.] Where are you working these days?
C: I work from home. I have been able to save money while doing what I love most of all.
S: Which is?
C: Running in circles chasing that cloth mouse thing.
S: Tell me more about how that chase drives you.
C: You could say it’s in my blood; it’s not exactly something I can explain. Though I will try to put it into terms you can understand. It feels good, Stephen. It just does. And I know I’m helping people when I jump and roll and flip.
S: And the money? How does it work as a job exactly? Who pays you?
C: [Hisses.] Not all work is about money. That’s a pretty bipedist thing to say.
S: Sorry, I’ll let that one go.
C: I take it from your wallet when you leave it on the bookshelf.
S: Ah, yes, that explains a lot. Well, I appreciate your honesty.
C: [Stares into distance.] Yep.
S: Okay, well, I noticed you like that bookshelf perch. Your shelfy selfies are blowing up on Twitter right now. How is fame treating you?
C: It’s not something you can put on or take off, like an old set of furs.
S: Right, that’s probably why you’ve become something of a recluse lately, correct?
C: I’m not sure what you mean by that, but, yes, fame is my ultimate aspiration.
S: Not what I meant, but that’s fine. Your new movie, should we see it?
C: Meh. If you’re into that.
S: Was it more of an afterthought?
C: Once you end up in Hollywood’s star-making factory, you tend to just sort of nod and let people groom you, because it’s a lot easier in the long run than making any particular stance or “kind” of art. I’ll wait for the fame to blow over (probably about 40-50 cat years and it’ll be gone) and then I’ll work on my own projects.
S: What exactly do you want to do? What kind of art are you interested in producing?
C: Who said anything about art?
S: I just mean, making art rather than making films for money-making purposes, you understand?
C: I understand precisely, but I don’t like using loaded judgments like “art” versus “craft.”
S: [Pause.] What’s your favorite food?
C: Turkey with all the fixings. You brought some?
S: Of course! [Did not.] We’ll get to that later. Do you have a message for young queens like yourself? What should the kitties take away from your success?
C: I will fight to keep my success and all else that is mine.
S: Sorry, I said that wrong: any tips for your fans and followers?
C: Sharp claws, sharp mind.
S: Thanks for being here!
Editor’s Addendum: She remained on the shelf for three hours after the interview.